Difficult Conversations - At The Right Time

I was never one to avoid a hard conversation.

If anything, I was the opposite. I ran towards it, often too soon, and didn’t go back to certain companies because the level of transparency I wanted didn't fit the culture.

I thought that meant I was direct. The person willing to say the thing others were tiptoeing around.

It has taken a while to see that wanting the conversation before the ground was ready meant avoiding the slower work. The work that built the conditions where the challenge could actually land. For me getting it out mattered more than whether it could be heard.

Most commentary on difficult conversations says, ‘say the hard thing’, and for the person who's avoiding, that's probably true.

Not so much for me. I wasn’t having a shortage of courage. Something would be building in me, frustration, discomfort, and saying it out loud was how I got rid of the feeling. The conversation wasn't for them. It was for me.

Which meant timing went out the window. I didn't speak when the moment was ready. I was speaking when I needed to.

The skill isn't necessarily having the nerve to say the hard thing. For some it's noticing when the urge to say it is coming from your own discomfort, and asking whether the other person, or the room, is actually in a position to do anything with it yet.

Timing it so it could actually be received, that's the part I had to learn.

Difficult Conversations - At The Right Time