Learning to Say 'No'.

I was taught that saying ‘no’ was rude.

Not in so many words. But the message was clear enough.

You accommodate people. You make it work. ‘No’ was impolite, a bit selfish.

So I said yes to a lot of things I might have otherwise declined, and I did it automatically, before I'd worked out what the cost was to me.

It took me a long time to see that ‘no' isn't rude. It's a boundary. And a boundary isn't a wall to keep people out. It protects the space for the work only you can do.

I'm working with someone exploring this.

He's fried by the end of most days. Not from his work but from the constant pulls. A question here, a favour there, a "have you got five minutes" that turns into forty.

He says yes to all of it, because he's helpful and wants the best for people. He's not saying yes because he's weighed it up. He's saying yes because ‘no’ feels rude.

And by the end of the day he's spent, and the work only he can do, the thinking, the judgment, the actual reason he's in the role, has taken second place.

Every automatic yes is a no to something, and the something is usually the work that would serve himself and those around him best.

Protecting that isn't selfish. The ‘no’ that feels rude in the moment is often the very thing that lets you show up properly for the people who need you at your best.

What did your last yes really say no to?

Learning to Say 'No'.