The Gap Between Who You Are and Who You Show Up As

There's a version of us that turns up to work every day.

Professional. Capable. Measured. The one keeping it all together.

And then there's another version. The one who feels things deeply. Who questions decisions. Who sometimes wonders if we're making any difference at all.

Most of the time, we manage that gap. We perform the role. We show up as the version people expect and need.

But that gap? It takes its toll on us.

I spent a lot of energy maintaining that performance. I learned (often the hard way) what was acceptable to share and what wasn’t. What made me look competent and what didn’t.

And the wider that gap got, the more draining it became.

Wherever we are in our career, we are all leaders. Leading ourselves and modelling behaviour for others. And authentic leadership is reducing the distance between who you actually are and the version you’re choosing to project.

When you're constantly performing a version of yourself, you're using cognitive load that could be going into creativity, problem-solving, or genuine connection. You're monitoring yourself. Editing in real time. Calculating what's safe to say.

And your brain knows the difference.

It knows when you're being real and when you're performing. It's tracking that dissonance, even when you're not consciously aware of it.

How would it be if you were to lead with more honesty? Acknowledging when you don't have all the answers. Admitting when you're uncertain. Letting people see that you're human.

The leaders I admire aren't the ones who appear to have it all figured out. They're the ones who create space for reality. Who model that it's okay to be both competent and imperfect. Both confident and curious.

When you close that gap—even a little—something changes. You stop spending so much energy on maintenance. You free up space for the things that actually matter.

And the people around you? They feel it. They relax. Because suddenly they don't have to perform either.

Authentic leadership is about being real enough that others can be too.

So ask yourself: how much energy am I spending on the gap between who I am and who I show up as?

And what could I do with that energy if I didn't have to?

The Gap Between Who You Are and Who You Show Up As