Feedback or Reflection, considering Impact

When did someone last tell you something hard about yourself, to your face?

Not a review with the edges softened. Something genuinely uncomfortable about how you come across, or where you're getting it wrong.

If you have to think back a while, that's worth noticing.

As careers develop and you have more responsibility people get more careful about what they tell you. Not because you're hard to talk to. Because you're more powerful and honest feedback to powerful people carries a risk that isn’t there with equals.

So what you end up with is a thousand small edits, and the more senior you get, the less honest the feedback about your own impact.

And everyone knows how you come across except you.

I worked with a director who found his way out of this, and it didn't start with any feedback. It started with self reflection.

We’d spent time on how he experienced work, what stories he’d been telling himself. And as his self-awareness grew, his attention moved to the impact he wanted to have, how he was landing with his team, what was helpful for them, rather than assuming he already knew.

As we talked he was aware that he was distant and could come across as cold. What he did about it was small but masterful.

He built some reflection into his catch-ups. Made space to ask how things were really going and what his direct reports needed from him. Then stayed quiet long enough to hear the answer and stopped assuming the silence meant everything was fine.

The higher you go, the more you have to go looking for the truth about yourself, and the more that work starts with your own reflection rather than other people's honesty.

It’s July, holiday season, and the perfect opportunity to step back far enough, for long enough to consider your impact. Allowing the honest questions to surface… and deciding how you want to show up in September.

And if you’re still no clearer on how you land, who could you ask?

Feedback or Reflection, considering Impact.